Things are now starting to be weird; life of a graduate student was really different. A lot of pressures are pushing me hard. I don’t know where to go. I was stocked in this very unlikely moment of my life. Yet behind all this sad moments in me, I still have the chance to smile and cherish each day knowing that my friends, family and you will always be with me no matter what will happen. You have been so special to me and I couldn’t even imagine how I adore you so much. It’s been like Cupid was playing with my innocent heart. I never thought that the girl whom I like so much during my biology 103 lecture class would be the girl who would bring changes in me. Though I know during those days I couldn’t even have the chance to be your friend.
However, still fate has its own way of giving you to me. Bringing you closer to me would be a satisfaction for my soul and for my stupid heart. Actually, I thought this feeling will be lost forever in vain. A lot of diversions have been done yet the more it hurts me and the more my feelings for you grows bigger and bigger.
From the moment I reached third year collage, we became closed friends and eating partners though I wasn’t expecting that we could reach that far. You became much closed to me and things in me got changed and to tell you frankly, next to God and my family you became 3rd in my priorities. You welcome me and accept me for who I am. In times of lonely and sad moments in my life you show me hope, you brought changes and you answer some of my prayers. You’ve been a great gift to me by God.
Later, we tend to know each other but this time much deeper understanding of who we are. I thought it would be better in my case for us to remain like this (friends), but then thru circumstances I realized that the more I was driven closed to you the more would it be hard for me to express how I really feel towards you. The moment you texted me and every time you forwarded me with some of your funny and serious messages, I always tend to feel a spark in my heart of which I couldn’t explain. It was like a mere feeling of mixed emotions which sometimes causes me to have sleepless nights and day dreaming.
I have been waiting in vain for a moment to tell you everything yet circumstances have different plans for us. JS prom could be the perfect and exact time for me but fear and lack of encouragement overrides my intentions and purpose. At that night you definitely look very gorgeous with a stunning beauty. How I wished then to have you for a dance that night.
Time passes by, and our very tiring and thesis life has come that we even sometimes forget to have dinner dates again at Chowking, Jolibee or Macki’s. Till graduation was so near and we sometimes have no time for ourselves. However, God gives me the greatest graduation gift I have when He allow me to have you a small, very small yet very memorable day and this time with our parents in Timoga.
And now college life has been over, we are now heading to our separate ways, still, my unrequited love was the same… it will always wait in vain. But this time I was far from you. I wouldn’t have the chance to see you again. I won’t see again the face that has been blessed by God with innocence and love. My mind told me to move on yet my heart wants me to stay. Dreaming of you every night was just an understatement of how I really miss you so much. It caused me so much pain and depression.
Days are coming and leaving so fast, yet still no news from you. Thoughts are coming to me that somehow you’re busy with your priorities in life and I am just at the bottom of your list. And having me would just be a hindrance to your success. I always thought of what if I was once one of your boyfriends; whom you love and who experienced being loved by you. Sometimes I got jealous to think that I don’t have the courage and confidence to tell you everything like what they did. Or I was just weighing the scale and I am just afraid to loose you as my true and best friend or maybe for sure I was just afraid and not ready to accept rejections. Sometimes I thought I was once your ultimate crush; with all those obsessions and dedications from you. Well lucky for them, they got you, the most perfect girl whom I have been dreaming to have. Frankly speaking, I don’t want to be your stalker yet my actions would define me as one. I always kept a picture of you in my room and totally that was really a sign of obsession.
However, just don’t be worried about it. I don’t want you to answer my feelings in return. All I want was just the friendship we try to build for almost three years (although it sounds stupid for me not to wish to have you but just the friendship. Hahahaha). I don’t want you to feel awkward about me after knowing all these stupid things I have done. I just simply can’t handle it when you will be away from me. I don’t want to loose that spark in my heart that once hit me every time you’re near with me. I don’t want to forget everything about you. The adventures we are into. The experiences we shared together. I know I am not the person whom you wish for, the person who will answer your dreams. But all I asked is for you to understand me. I don’t know if this feeling was called love for I haven’t been in love before. But one thing is for sure, it has something to do with you and for you alone.
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